i made a new xanga because i'm a nerdbomb.

and i guess i'm not really ladiicaitie material anymore.

www.xanga.com/burning_the_radioFM

i'm updating just for mape.

is it weird that i still go on and read all of my friends updates?

yeah, okay.

well, myspace me.

www.myspace.com/i_love_beer_and_bitches

so long xanga. you were fun for like 4 years.

it's that feeling. that feeling you get when that song comes on that you had completely forgot about. when the moment is just right, it starts its bridges and melodies and heart pumping guitar riffs. it comes right at the moment where you feel that you can't possibly go on anymore. you need an escape, anything. pills, razors, guns. anything. as soon as the song begins, you realize that you're about to sit through two minutes and forty-five seconds of a man telling you there's no option of giving up. he's singing his heart out letting you know that although people may talk, and people may stare, that doesn't mean anything when it all comes down to it. the words hit so close to home that they make you tingle inside and out. goosebumps begin to form and hair rises on end because at that point in time, you realize you're not the only one feeling this. you realize that someone in this world actually understands those thoughts racing through your mind, and you're amazed at the fact that he could put your thoughts into coherent sentences, and sing them right to you. it's like he's sitting there looking at you, letting you know that things will get better and you're going to be okay.

jesus, i'm ready to come home.

Currently Listening They're Only Chasing Safety By UnderOath see related

- i have ten friends and a crow bar that says you aint' gonna do jack.

good thing me and boo are creepy homoballz.

  t is for terrets.

 don't be jealous that we're sooo sexy.

     good thing we have like two of the same picz.

  we're so scene, we know.

 he's a good man.

 love love love love love love. love love love love love love.

 hahaha. it took me like ten minutes to convince her that i wasn't going to touch her feet.

 thank god she punched me in the mouth, enabling this picture to look like my bottom jaw is the size of a camel.

 we eat flamingos

 We'Re SOoOo PuNk RaWk! haha, it looks like faris has one leg.

 we get visions like raven does, except mine are about not brushing my hair.

 "we looked ridiculous, like one was the ADD kid going to ask his mom for some water...."

 i sometimes sit in my bed at night and ponder the fact that we are so incredibly ghetto, 50 cent couldn't get a dolla outta me.

 GOD SHUT THE DOOR YOU'RE INTERUPTING OUR PICTURE TAKING TIMEZ.

 thinking of ways to kill you.

 we're too sexy for our.                                        .      hats.

 good thing we're not cool.

 to be quite honest, i'm just dumbfounded. yes, dumbfounded.

Caitie Kirk

Mrs. Mont

Freshman Seminar

26 May 2005

I still remember the way she would laugh

As we sat there sitting on my bed reminiscing about all the past times we'd shared

Remebering all those times where I would wake her up

Sometimes because I was scared, but most of the time I wasn't.

I just wanted to spend some with her

She was so beautiful

Beautiful like a rising sun floating above the horsize line in a painting

She was my best friend

I was easily able to talk to her about anything and she always understood

I still remember the day she got sick

Her beauty was still vibrant as ever

Her health was diminishing into a nothingness so deep

Does it hurt? I'd ask with tears staining my lips

Of course it hurt, how would I ask her that?

I sat on her bed all day and all night letting her know that I really do appreciate her

She was my sister

We related on every level possible and I had never felt so connected to someone

I still the remember the day she died

It was a Tuesday morning when my mom had called me

The phone had dropped and so had I

How could this happen, she was supposed to live forever

She was supposed to be here until I died

I was not supposed to be the one saying an eternal goodbye to her

We were not finished being best friends

She was supposed to live for all of eternity.

I still remember her funeral

A bunch of people that I vaguely recognized appeared in front of me

We all gathered around a breathless body so we would not have to let her go alone

There she was, my best friend, my sister

I no longer had that feeling of comfort everytime she laughed at my stupid jokes

The time had come for me to let go of my best friend

Please know that this was not easy

Two years later and I'm still a car crash waiting to return.

R.i.p Melissa Martines-Tonkin.

4.9.79-3.18.05